Lyme Disease

Vern: “They say poor ol’ Geo has come down with that bad ol’ Lyme disease…”

Fern: “I guess we’ll have to bring him tea and crumpets from now on, then. Vern, what is a ‘crumpet’?”

Vern: “Sounds painful”.

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ze trivia no. 2

Where they come up with that dadgum crazy spelled name,”Oaxaca”, anyway?

OK, so one time this Gringero with a speech impediment was on a “vacacio’n” down south of the yonder border thar’–long before Der Drumpf’s Wall, of course–and. he ain’t used to the water, see, and in the midst of, “Montezuma’s Revenge”, he yells out helpless, “WUH HACKININ’ TO ME?!”.

And it “stuck”, so to speak…

(p.s., that dadgum chihuahua stole my dawg’s jawb!

Fish Reunion

Fish 1: “What ever happened to Hal?”

Fish 2: “Last I heard he was floundering around in some night school with no particular porpoise.”

Fish 1: “Well, he did, as you know, ride in the “short bus” on account of the eyes, though I thought that was unfair.”

Fish 2: “Yes, quite unfair. His brain seemed OK, but he always said the operation left him flat on his back.”

Fish 1: “True. I always liked Hali, but as it turned out, he fell in with a bunch of bottom feeders off the coast of Sardinia and went right from the frying pan into the fire–so to speak.”

Fish 2: “I shutter at the thought. I think it all went South for him after that lobster kicked sand in his face…”

Fish 1: “He said he always felt like a shrimp after that…”

Fish 2: “I wouldn’t blame it solely on that though, Hal always had sort of a mean streak…”

Fish 1: “And I’m sure you would agree that many of his ideas seemed half-baked, rather flukey.”

Fish 2: “Surely.”

Fish 1: “Hey, never call me Shirley!”

(Uncontrollable laughter)

Fish 2: But I must admit I admired his attempts to liberate Tilikum, back in the day, before she ate that trainer…”

Fish 1: “Didn’t he dress up as a seal or something?”

Fish 2: “Oh my God, yes, it was an otterly brilliant ruse, and he almost pulled it off, until Security smelled something fishy going on and found Hal gasping for air in the kiddy pool!. It proved to be a net loss for him in the end.”

Fish 1: “Yes, of course, Hali was a salty kind of guy, but the risks he took almost finished him off, though I do admire the scale of his salmon-like commitment to a cause. Eventually the therapy seemed to make him a bit more snappy, though his wife proclaims he spends an inordinate amount of time rewatching,”Ocean’s 11″.

Fish 2: “That’s understandable, I suppose, given all poor Hali buddy had been through…

So, what are they serving tonight?…”

Fish 1: “Chicken”.

Jesus is a Dead Rebel Mammal

If Jesus was the “Son of God”(which he wasn’t), he knowingly was on a suicide mission from his “Dad”, who, it stands to reason, was also a God(except that He doesn’t exist). And “Dad” knew about it(the suicide), because it was His idea–and that’s not nice.

Oh, but wait, Jesus wasn’t on a suicide mission after all, since he and “Dad” knew all along that he(Jesus, I know, this is hard to keep straight) would “be riseneth from the dead”, kick the Grim Reaper’s “sorry ass”, as it were. So it was not, in fact, suicide after all. He(Jesus) kept on going: somewhere.

They call it “Heaven”, I guess.

And the clincher is, that neither he nor “Dad” could do a damn thing about it, since, being both omniscient, neither could be omnipotent at the same time, since that is logically–as the Mexicans say–“eem-poh-see-blay”–no matter who one is and what realm one exists in.

Recap: “Dad” is God, a supernatural being, and therefore is everywhere-always-forever, but somehow He “sent” His only begotten Son Jesus, who is really just Himself divided up and in disguise, incognito(why He needed and how He was able to do that is anybody’s guess) to the Earth to “save” Mankind from His wrath–because He is “all loving” but apparently gets out-of-control angry and homicidal sometimes–and Jesus ends up getting “suicided” by Romans and He and “Dad” knew about it from the start, well it was just “Dad” doing the knowing since He hadn’t divided Himself up yet, and……don’t even get me started on the alleged, “Holy Spirit”……ok, let’s start over…

Box score: Mission Impossible.

But, kind reader, you may be breath a sigh of relief in realizing that there is no “Dad” and Jesus was just another bi-pedal mammal, a rebel bi-pedal mammal nonetheless, and I commend him for that. But he is a dead rebel mammal now, so I says, to Mankind: “get over it”.